Chapter Four
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“So you’re not happy about this?” Stella sat across from Dani at the high-top table, her glass of red wine nesting casually in her hand. Despite having worked a full day at school and needing to drive the three hours to campus, her older sister looked as put together as ever.
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Dani wasn’t quite sure where the idea to call her came from, but as soon as Stella picked up, she had fallen apart almost immediately. Everything that had happened that day came spilling out in fragments, and Dani must have known that she was making Stella nervous, so she had calmed down and given a more coherent recap once she arrived on her doorstep. She told her repeatedly that she didn’t need to make the trip just so she could vent, but as they sat in The Brown Jug, one of the designated “undergrad” bars nearby, she still was grateful that Stella didn’t listen.
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“Of course I’m happy,” Dani said, taking another big sip of her rum and coke. “Kai is perfect for Haley.” She knew it was true — Haley had bought Kai a toothbrush to keep in their apartment sophomore year only a few months after they had officially started dating.
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“Then what’s the issue?” Stella asked. She tucked part of her dark blonde waves behind one ear.
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Dani shrugged. The more she thought about the real reason she was upset, the dumber it became. “No issue here.”
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Sure enough, Stella saw right through her. “Liar. There’s something you’re not telling me.” Dani could almost feel her staring, waiting for her real answer.
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At that moment she noticed that her glass was almost empty. “Can I get another one of these?” she asked, picking it up and trying to copy how Stella was holding hers.
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“I don’t think you’re in the right headspace for more than one drink. I’ve seen you at parties, remember?”
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Dani slumped in her seat, annoyed by the call out that she definitely deserved. The hazy memory of her making up a song about the couches in her living room after one very strong vodka lemonade sprang to mind.
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“You’re stalling,” Stella reminded her. “Talk.”
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Dani looked around the bar instead of making eye contact. But the rum eventually got the better of her, and everything came spilling out. “Look, it’s really stupid, because getting married or even getting engaged is so far off my radar, so it’s not like I’m jealous or anything. But it’s just…so easy for them, y’know? We just graduated, and Haley’s already had her dream job, and now she has her dream partner. And we had our own plan, we were gonna keep living together and work shitty day jobs while we looked for the real thing. Except now I don’t have a job at all and I certainly can’t afford my own apartment, which means I’ll have to move back in with Dad, and that feels like the biggest step backwards.”
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Dani reached for her drink again, forgetting she had finished it, but Stella pushed the accompanying cup of water towards her instead. Dani tapped her fingers on the red plastic, thinking about how else she could put her thoughts into words. “I saw how Kai asked her,” she sniffled. “They found a bunch of cute pictures that they’re gonna put all around our backyard. And I’m in almost all of them, and for some reason that made me upset. Like all I have to show for my time in college is that I was their third wheel, which I know is stupid. Their lives just seem so … so easy. I can’t remember the last time my life felt like that, and it’s stressing me out. I mean, I've never cried this much in one day. I don’t think I’ve cried this much, ever.”
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She knew it wasn’t a fair comparison to make, about whose life was "easier" than the other's, as soon as it left her mouth. It was no less Haley’s fault than it was Dani’s that they were ending up in two different places. But the image that popped into Dani’s mind instead sent her stomach plummeting: a boy with wild brown hair, eyes a deeper brown, a smile that easily spreads to those eyes…
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Where in the world did that come from? She silently took a sip of water, holding an ice cube to the roof of her mouth in order to shock her system. She didn’t — couldn’t — let herself go there, not now.
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If Stella had picked up on her internal panic, she didn’t say anything. “Dani, it’s okay that you’re not on the same timeline as everybody else,” she said gently. “Just because you don’t currently have a plan doesn’t mean that you’ll never figure it out. You will. It might be hard, but you will.”
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Dani sighed. “Yeah, I know. Just wish it’d happen a little bit faster.”
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Stella finished off her wine faster than Dani had ever seen her do. “Tell you what,” she said, leaning forward. “There’s a part-time position opening up at school. It’s in the library. You’d come in for a few days a week, work the front desk, keep things clean and whatever else. I’m not pulling any strings for you, though — you’ve gotta do this yourself and apply like anybody else would. But, if you get hired, you could move in with me up north and stay on your feet for the next year or two. That way, you at least don’t have to move back with Dad. What do you think?”
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It wasn’t the worst idea. Dani had always daydreamed about living in that lake house for more than just a week in the summer, and Stella was right — it would be better than moving back into her dad’s place. “Is Dad gonna be alright with it?” she asked.
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Stella shrugged. “He might make you split the bills with me or something, but I don’t see why not.”
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The weight that had been crushing Dani’s chest all evening slowly began to lift. She had a plan again. Stella seemed to like working at her school, and a library job sounded low-key enough that she could be doing something stimulating while trying to figure out how to get her life back on track. So what else could she say but yes?